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i got this
Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still I am absolutely terrified of heights, but there is nothing that I like more than a thrilling rollercoaster ride with tall hills and fast action. When I ride I am a white-knuckler. I dread the first big hill climb because I am afraid of getting stuck at the top. I am better after the climb, but the possibility of flying out of my seat at Mach 1 speeds haunts me throughout the duration of the ride.
Starting a business is much like a rollercoaster. First, the long wait and then the chaos. After waiting two and a half years and $75,000 in startup expenses, Grand Haven Beach Co (GHBC) was getting ready to open its doors for the big grand opening on May 5th, 2020 at the Depot building at the Waterfront Stadium located in Downtown Grand Haven, Michigan. March 1, 2020 arrives and construction begins. Two weeks go by and....BOOM! COVID SHUTDOWN! What was only supposed to be a two week shutdown turns into four weeks and then some. Now, I am stuck at the top of the hill. There is no movement and and nobody knows when the ride will start back up. March 14, 2020 at the start of the COVID 19 Shutdown
Thoughts at the top of the hill include, but are not limited to - How am I going to open as scheduled? All of the suppliers to which I just shelled out all of my money for products are completely shut down. Even if I open in May or soon thereafter, will I have anything to sell? I am so entirely consumed by every possible thing that could derail my new store and put me into financial ruin.
My stress, near clinical depression and anxiety levels, is through the roof. There is not one ounce of stillness in me. My mind is spinning at such extreme rpm's. My stomach is a mess and my body is tense all over. The worst part of all of this is the realization that the situation is totally out of my control no matter how hard I fight and I like to be in control. I am white-knuckling my way through it all while trying not to look down. It is 30 days into construction and I am at a point where I am about to lose it. So, I walk over to my chair in my makeshift breakroom and say to God, "I am done. I don't know how this is all going work out. I don't know if I am going to survive this financially. So, I am just going to let go of all of this and just build my store, because I love building things and I do not have the energy to worry anymore...so, I am done." 
In this very moment of being done, I have decided to let go and ride the rest of the way with my hands flailing up in the air...well maybe part of the time. As the up-and-downs continue, I feel the urge to white-knuckle it so I do not fall out of my seat. The ride is more fun with flailing hands.
June 5th, 2020 arrives and Grand Haven Beach Co. opens its doors. Although a month late, most of the products and supplies have made it and it ends up being a very successful first weekend. In all transparency, the days following my moment of letting go still have their rollercoaster like up-and-down moments. Just like a roller coaster, however, the hills get smaller as the ride continues. I have to constantly fight myself to be still...to let go of my fears and worries and just let God be in control of the outcome.
Why does God want me to be still? Why does he want to be in control? God's big picture is so much bigger than mine. He Sees what I cannot see. He sees that everything is going to be, not only fine, but better than what I imagine. He knows that I am able to enjoy building my dream and that everything is going to fall into place when it is time for GHBC to open up after the COVID shutdown.
Like I said, rollercoasters terrify me because I am worried about what could go wrong which is why I hold on white-knuckled for my life. It's when I let go of what could go wrong that I am still...that I am worry-free, and am able to enjoy the ride...even the ups-and-downs. As terrified as I am on rollercoasters, as soon as the ride ends, I am right back in line for more thrills. I never stop being terrified, but each ride gets easier. Okay.....I want to be completely honest. "I got this" has really helped me live my life a little bit more each day with my hands flailing up into the air, but to this day, I have not and will never be able to ride a rollercoaster without white-knuckling it. LOL |
